Journal in Poland

Tykocin Forest 3/28/16
We didn't know where we were going. We were silent and scared. We were taken to a forest where we sat in a silent circle. My teacher started to try to explain where we were and what happened there. I couldn't help but look at the trees surrounding us. Those tall and lanky trees covered the whole forest. They were old. Those trees were standing in those exact spots when the Jews were walking to their deaths. My teacher told us a few things about that place. He told us that the Jews were stripped of their clothing and forced to look directly at their future. Their death. One by one, Jews were shot by the "angel of death". Once we got to see the 3 main graves, I was shocked. It's one thing to learn about these events, but seeing it was much different. I had no emotions to show. All I could think was why. Why us? Why the Jews? Why. We were told when the Jews were walking into the forest, they were forced to sing HaTikvah. We got the privilege to walk out while singing. None of the Jews that entered that forest got to leave, we did. It was extremely empowering to be able to do that for the ones that did not get the chance to.


Lublin 3/29/16
In Meidonik, no emotions showed. No emotions could show. Many questions were going through my mind. How could this happen? Why? Looking past the barbed wire, the fog was shown. It was a rainy day. Beyond gloomy and rainy. While walking through the gas chambers, it could not be process into my mind the horrific things that happened where I was standing. The room for undressing and cutting off all body hair. The room that had tubes lining the ground that used to carry deadly gases. Throughout those rooms, their was a blue ceiling. It occurred to me that it was blue because of the gases that were used to kill. Trying to imagine the thousands of men stuffed into those small rooms who were stripped of their dignity when forced to bathe to death. Why. Why would this occur? The location of this specific camp is directly in the center of town. It was not hidden. They had nothing to hide.
As walking through the crematory, only confusion crossed my mind. Seeing the doors that thousands of corpses were thrown into was insane. Next to all of those doors was beautiful detailed butterfly. Ironic. When it got time to see the final memorial site, it finally hit me. The big round dome that covered a huge pile of ash. The Nazi's did what they wanted. Dehumanization the Jews. They did. But why can't I wrap my mind around the fact that thousands of people were killed where I was walking. Because I am a human. The Nazi's were not. They were monsters. The reason I can not understand why they did what they did those things is because I am human.


Auschwitz-Birkenau 3/31/16
Looking at the railroad tracks, I was trying my very best to imagine the horrific things that occurred, but I could not. We were told a few stories of people and each was worse than the next. We walked through the men's side of Auschwitz #2 until we were led on the path of the Hungarian Jews. My ancestors. They were taken directly from the trains and led on the walk to death in 1944. There are four stones standing that said in 4 different languages "To the memory of the men, woman, and children who fell victim to the Nazi genocide. In this pond lie their ashes. May their souls rest in peace." Behind was a tiny pond that I know has thousands of ashes of Hungarian Jews. Any Jews. Again, I struggled with emotions. Why? Because it is unimaginable the things that occurred where I was standing. I got to light my candle and place it near the pond because I wanted to remember those people who did not get the proper burial and proper way to end their lives.
I am not a good writer. I never know how to phrase things. In the moment, I didn't know how to get the words out. Being able to see the destruction of most of the buildings is terrifying. I had so many questions by the end of my day at Auschwitz #2. How long did it take for the Nazi's to set up the camp? Why did they destroy it if most people knew about it?
Looking at the gas chambers, crematories is a scaring thing. Over 1 million Jews were killed where I stood. I was at the worst place on earth. All I wanted was to leave. If I couldn't stand 4 hours there, how could they stand much much more?